MAX MOOSE Melbourne Review:
It was a cold and frosty morning, the gentle patter of my lonesome feet played soundtrack to the frosty cobblestone streets and I could hear the sound of a fog-horn far off in the distance. As I ambled on my way, mindful of completing the neccessary errands for Aunt Germima, I came across a derelict old man, clothed in a ragged overcoat and cursed with a hideous limp. "Boy", he called out as I approached. "Boy, would you like to see the kind of things that only Angels dream of? To experience a lusty, euphoric party where the women have four tits and their nipples dispense the sweet nectar belonging to God himself? A pleasure so divine that no other mortal could even begin to comprehend its magnitude if you were to tell them of it?" .... "No", I said, "I need to buy half a kilo of sausage meat for my mother". But the strange man was insistent. He had a glint in his eye that was obviously malevolent, and yet somehow unnaturally seductive. "Come", he yelled through his blackened, rotting teeth and he pulled me through the streets and kicked me down a cellar door where I found myself in the party to end all parties. There were indeed topless woman with four breasts a-piece and bodies that would put Jennifer "Hawk-dog" Hawkins to shame and (quite possibly) pitiful suicide. The drink they served was unlike anything of this world and the music was like Angels singing if Angels sounded much better than they actually do. The pleasures I had that night bring me to tears of happiness when I care to remember them. A band played a melody of such crazed, funk-a-delic, hip-hop-happiness that the sound itself granted me the power of supernatural dance, without the need of drugs.
But after a time the old man returned, cackling as he limped his way towards me. "Fool", he cried, "I tricked you! You wanted more than anything to attend this party", at which point I interrupted to remind him that I actually rather wanted to buy some sausages and had to be forcibly kidnapped to attend, "but what I didn't tell you is that in return for this one night of hedonistic pleasure, I have taken...... You're soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!... and a fifteen dollar entry fee". "Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!" I screamed with horror at the realisation at what I had done: I would need that fifteen dollars for Aunt Gemima's sausages. And to this day I still dread the thought of dying, for I know my soul will be cast into the servitude of that wicked villain.
Umm, sorry, did I put this under the heading of "Afterbar", because I think it was actually my sandpi.
But yeah, I've been to Afterbar. It's alright I guess. Drinks are a little overpriced but the crowd was very friendly.
Jesus, East Rosebudville-dale-ton, Mon Feb 8 19:17:15 2010